Sacred Wells

A different world

2011-10-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

First day reports from those who have travelled tend to be rather similar - lots of references to queues, endless beaurocracy at airports and huge amounts of tiredness on behalf of the traveller - well, that's that bit covered! Sandra my colleague and now, already feeling like an old friend, and I arrived in Quito at Midnight local time last night, this was to our bodies 5am and as she had been up since 4am and me 6.30am the previous day, you can imagine our weariness.

Of course the first impression of Quito was the warm welcome from 'Fred' - well I think that's what he said his name was - he is the son of Bishop Salamon who is the leader of the Methodist Church in Ecuador. The Bishop offered an equally loving welcome and drove us through deserted streets to our hotel. The architecture in this part of town is concrete and square, with lots of graffitti. Shops were all closed last night apart from a disco/karaoke place - I suggested we visit but I think that was the thin air of 9,000 feet altitude talking!

Our hotel is a 'Howard Johnson' a reliable American chain - lovely room and really helpful staff. The security at the door last night is a mix of reassuring and disconcerting. My room is on the 12th floor and the views across the city to the hills that surround it are fabulous. Today is a rest day and will include a tour to the 'centre of the earth' - the equator. Tomorrow will be a day of more travelling, about three and a half hours to help run a worship workshop and to witness the opening of a new church building. As well as this personal blog, Sandra and I will be uploading reports to the World Church Relationships site - so watch this (and that) space!

As for 'a different world' - well that's not Quito... it is different to the world I know and experience but it is also similar in the human jumble of hope and love and anxiety and noise. What is different for me is that last time I travelled to anywhere near here, was a visit to Cuba in 1991. I wrote a journal - I still have it and love looking back at all the adventures we had. I wrote it with a pen on paper. We had no contact with home, apart from postcards that we sent, everyone had to wait until we landed back home to find out that we were ok, happy and all that had happened. Yesterday I rang Sandy from Miami, my journal is now a blog and I have 'Facetimed' Sandy and Tamsin at home, having a live and visual conversation from my hotel room. I have uploaded the first of what will be many photo's to my Facebook page - this is such a different world from 20 years ago and, if you like communication and immediacy it is definitely better. What I need to build in though is time to reflect - first impressions and reactions are not always the best, so I will want to find space to mull over all I see and experience. Sometimes being cut off from all I know and understand is important - what does it feel like to be 'dis-connected' in order to re-connect? So, after I've spoken to Rob in an hour or so, I will refrain from 'Facetiming' for a couple of days - so I can be really here.

Matthew 18 a new perspective

2011-09-12T05:08:00.000-07:00

The realm of heaven may not be compared to a Government that wished to settle accounts with it's financial institutions. One such institution had used the funds entrusted to it to lend to others who were unable to pay it back. The institution's account books looked at first glance to be very healthy but this was not true, the value on the books bore no relation to the capital supporting the institution's debts. Many who were owed money by the institution found that their account balances were worth less or worthless.

The Government was under pressure from the media and the public to support those who had lost their shirts as a result of the actions of the institution. The institution pleaded with the Government to be let off and to continue, arguing that to be punished for its actions would be disastrous as its creditors would loose out and the world would come to an end.

The Government rescued the institution giving it lots and lots of public money, letting it go and continue to trade in a similar way to that which had led to the trouble. The institution and its shareholders were happy.

A person who had borrowed money from the institution to buy a home was unable to pay. How did the institution (so recently in receipt of grace and oodles of tax=payer's money) act? It turned the borrower from their home along with the family.

How did the generous Government respond to this graceless and cruel action by the institution? It declared that this was not its problem, cut housing benefit, made it harder for the borrower to find work and continued to offer the institution all the support it needed, giving it until 2019 to change its working habits.

And the place of forgiveness in this story....?

Getting Worship 'Right'

2011-07-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

As a preacher who is passionate about leading worship I know that getting it 'right' is a minefield of negotiated pathways, twisting paths and a need at times to return to the beginning to start again.

The Methodist Conference Worship this morning was, I think, the nearest to 'getting it right' that I have experienced in a long time. This was certainly borne out by the wonderful atmosphere, a great sense of joy and so many kind and thoughtful words from people afterwards.

There are great challenges when planning Conference Worship, not least a myriad of decisions taken along the way to accommodate all sorts of hopes, desires, tastes, hang-ups and perspectives. There are also the institutional challenges of containing the momentous occasion of the Reception into Full Connexion within an act of worship that includes that hugely significant act but is not only about that act.

Planning begins months before and involves the President and Vice-President Designate, those responsible for the ordinands and those responsible for the due order of formal elements of the event.

The most wonderful development in all this for me has been, the increasing involvement over the last two years of superb musicians, who have a profound understanding of what happens in worship and are, like me, committed to using the best available mix of styles, focussing most importantly on the theme that will develop through the whole act of worship.

Important factors such as the use of inclusive language are made easier as our denominational resources begin to better reflect this aspiration for the church. Singing the Faith offers a range of known, loved, traditional hymns and vibrant new texts, some to familiar comfortable tunes, others to tunes that some find challenging.

Here is one of the 'pinch points' - in our attempts to please God through our worship we cannot always pick everybody's favourites and may even pick songs that some people find challenging. I think that there are some issues here that have to be considered sensitively, such as language that might re-open wounds for people who have been through trauma or have had difficult relationships. Theology is a real challenge - as a 'mainstream, liberal methodist' whose natural perspective is to focus on God's love played out on the cross, rather than a substitutional or penal perspective, there are some songs I avoid. Yet we are a broad church and that has been a challenge for those of us tasked with choosing our current authorised hymnody. I don't mind if people offer feedback about the content of a particular hymn - I do get more uptight if the feedback is about style rather than substance. We all have preferences and enjoy particular forms of singing but surely we can have the grace to allow worship to be a space in which all are able to offer praise to God, knowing that there is more than one way to do this.

Planning Conference worship is a privilege and delight and involves the making of many decisions and editing, reediting and proof-checking the text. Choosing to have a story-teller to open up the scriptures is a risk. The risk payed off today - we heard in wonderful tones a holding of each text within a broader perspective on the life of Jacob and the life of Christ. I have already picked up criticism that the full text was not on the screen, or that we used a 'paraphrase' of scripture in worship. On the screen were excerpts from the Handwritten Bible - one of the decisions to be made this year was how to include and honour that project in worship without shifting our focus from God. So a creative compromise was born. The full texts were in the printed service booklet for those who wanted to reflect on God's word as understood by the writers of the NRSV.

My favourite moments in the service (and there were many) include the sung intercessions - the solos and the congregational responses were so beautiful and prayerful and I enjoyed sourcing and choosing images from David Perry, TwelveBaskets and a free stock source (these last ones carried watermarks - but were such striking images I chose to use them - this has produced a negative comment on Twitter, I'd love the person who twittered to get in touch so we could talk about how I might have got rid of the watermark without breaking copyright law).

The music group were just wonderful, skilled and sensitive, able to take us to a new place.

I could write more - there is so much to reflect on. I'm grateful to my partner Worship Co-ordinator, Paul and Director of Music, Ian, for their incredible hard work and to all the band. Also to Joseph for his great story-telling, to Christy-Anna for sharing in the prayers, to Ruth for her praying and careful leading and to Leo for a sermon that was well-crafted, offering inspiration and was a good length.

Most of all, I'm grateful to God for helping us to navigate the minefield and for being present with us in what was a very special time of joy, solemnity, inspiration and assurance.

Capturing Light

2011-06-20T23:19:00.000-07:00

Since January this year most of my days off have been spent at a workbench, playing with glass. I sit with a coffee, Desert Island Discs playing on the radio and decide what I'm going to make this week. Will it be some classy coasters, a large gently curving plate or bowl, some jewellery or a window hanger? Once the items are decided I then choose what colours I'm going to use - will it be vibrant sunset oranges, reds and golds, or sea blues and greens, will I use some powdered glass (frit) to add texture or insert copper foil which oxidises in the kiln to a wonderful pink or green?

So many decisions - so many things to play with.

Once my pieces are ready, they are loaded into the kiln. If it's coasters, then it will only take one firing, but a complex plate might take three. The first to 'tack' frit and powders to form texture, the second to fuse additional elements into the piece and the third to 'slump' the piece into shape in a mould.

Each firing takes about 12 hours before the glass is cool enough to open the kiln without mishap. So one plate can take three days - but the fiddly work is done before the first firing - so I can unload and reload the kiln in about 15 minutes during a break from work.

The joy of taking a beautiful item out of the kiln is wonderful. I usually have a good idea of how a piece will turn out but even so there are often surprises - the way two colours work together or some bubbles have formed, or an element of iridescent glass catches the light, or some copper has coloured - all make for delight.

When leaving college to be a minister (17 years ago!) we were reminded of the guidance in 'The Constitution, Practice and Discipline' of the Methodist Church, to cultivate a hobby! I've learnt since that the instruction should be "find a hobby that cultivates you"! I am much better at protecting my days off now and feel fed by this new creativity. I can make the process about work and theology and reflection on spiritual things (can't avoid it really) but that's definitely not the point.... I lose myself in the world of colour and shape and, to some extent, in the gadgets, tools and technical side of the glass-fusing world.

Looking forward to Trinity Sunday

2011-06-12T02:01:00.000-07:00

A reflection for Trinity Sunday

The Weaver, The Word and Wisdom

In the beginning, the Weaver, The Word and Wisdom

moving in relationship together,

caught a vision of potential,

a glimpse of possibility, and,

with tentative steps, creation’s dance began.

Creation was shot through with the generosity of the Weaver’s grace

The rhythm of life’s passion played loudly

as a constant beat at the heart of myriad universes.

Against this universal backdrop The Word moved

and became free, small and intimate.

In the cry of a child, the song of a woman

and the shout of a dying man

the Word’s voice added melody to the Weaver’s song.

In the midst of confusion, absence and loss,

Wisdom found her way.

She had danced with the Weaver’s threads, throughout all time,

weaving a maypole dance of energetic passion.

She added harmony to the beat and the melody

and composed a symphony of colour.

If creation for a single moment fails to hear the Weaver’s rhythm,

or misses the Word’s intimate melody,

then Wisdom will dance through the silence

until all that is joins in love’s rejoicing.

Methodism - what will become of us?

2011-05-17T12:35:00.001-07:00

I agree with David Gamble, in 100 years the Methodist Church might be part of a new church. What might that church look like?

People will love each other and the world, this will be seen in active caring and the creating of safe spaces to be themselves, to worship with freedom and integrity. It will be seen in the amount of time the work of that church is done away from chapels, churches and cathedrals, taking place rather in art galleries, prisons, hospitals, on rubbish tips, in estates and tenements, in theatres, on farms, in villages, in rain-forests and deserts.... in political engagement, on marches and rallies, campsites and mines...

All food and drink served, consumed and given out by the church will be fairly traded.

All power used will be from sustainable sources.

Worship will be a place where people feel safe to be themselves and to celebrate tastes and styles that are not their favourite but are part of a patchwork of wonder, love and praise.

It won't need the following:

"Sub-dean designate of St Albans. Masters, Prime Wardens and Upper Bailiffs; bishops, the Lord Mayor Locum Tenens, the State Trumpeters of the Band of Blues and Royals; ..., the City Marshall, the Sheriffs, the Aldermen, the Ceremoniarius (?), the Dean and Chapter, the Sword Bearer, the Serjeant at Arms, the Archbishop of Wales " as were present at a service for the 'Sons of Clergymen' at St Paul's Cathedral today.

It will be a church where women, men, children of any colour, culture, sexuality, language, psychological, physical and mental ability are not just welcome but are able to fully participate in the life of the church and in working out what kind of church it should be.

The leadership of this church will be shared and the structures of each local expression of the church will be formed according to the gifts of those who worship there. Church leaders will not burn out from overwork and will not be defensive about the way they spend their time because all feel valued, supported and loved, whatever their responsibilities.

That's just my starter for ten - and just one more thing.... is church the right word? Can we again become a movement within the realm of God?

Blogging Again

2011-05-15T11:20:00.001-07:00

Inspired by Barbara Glasson http://www.touchstone-bradford.org.uk/blog/12 I am going to try and blog more regularly but with short bits of news, rather than waiting until I have something big to say!

I'm just back from leading the Hemel Hempstead and Berkhampstead Circuit retreat at High Leigh. It was lovely and people seemed to really appreciate my contribution and willingly entered into the exercises that I invited them into. I also realised I need to brush up my OT knowledge after an embarrassing performance in a quiz!

My glass-fusing is going well, I am enjoying it so much. Sandy and Tamsin will hold a stall selling it at the Twyford CofE High School Summer Fair. I can't be there as I'm working, but if you are in/near Acton and want to see - or even buy some, you would be welcome. Food and games stalls and all the fun of the fair!! 18th June, 2pm - 5pm.

some texts for Maundy Thursday

2011-04-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

Jesus Laments Over Jerusalem

Jerusalem!

Jerusalem the place where

the prophets are killed,

the truth tellers stoned,

the peace bringers torn apart.

Jerusalem!

I long to be to you a mother hen caring for my brood.

I long to gather your children together.

I long to give you peace and bring you healing.

Jerusalem!

Will you not heed my invitation?

Must you continue to tear yourself apart?

Are you not willing to listen?

Jerusalem!

You will be left desolate.

I leave you now.

Even when you shout,

‘Hosanna, blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord!’

your praise will soon fade to numbed silence

and your joy will make way for tears.

Enough Faith?

They have come so far.

If only they knew

how close we are to the end;

how just beyond

the dawn of their perception

lies the secret of salvation.

We have come so far.

If only you knew

how I have longed to drink

deep from the cup of obedience;

yet now there is no satisfaction

in the bitter dregs of an unanswered question.

I have come so far.

If only I knew.

Is my faith enough

to bear me on the bough

of death’s destruction

and beyond to resurrection?

Gethsemane

All this effort,

Is it worth it?

What difference my death?

What possible difference can it make in this world?

My enemies gather in the dark shadows,

I feel their antipathy, their anxious, excited anticipation,

I sense their incensed, self-righteous, unholy expectation.

All this effort,

Is it worth it?

What difference my death?

What possible difference can it make in this world?

My friends sleep in the dark shadows,

I feel their confusion, their careful words and worried glances.

I sense their fear, their failing faith falling into despair.

All this effort,

Is it worth it?

What difference my death?

What possible difference can it make in this world?

My God, are you there in the shadows?

I feel your prompting, parental prodding towards promise and duty,

I sense your pain, contained in this bitter cup you urge me to drink.

All this effort,

Is it worth it?

What difference my death?

What possible difference can it make in this world?

Here I am, here, deep in the shadows.

I feel your strength, flowing as an offering through my fear,

I sense there will be more, I choose the cup, its contents and its cost.

John 13.1-17

2011-03-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

Bible Study

First used at Diaconal Convocation, 2010. This could be used in Holy Week

If using the narrative ‘The Water Carrier’ try and have one person read the water carrier’s account and other voices to read the ‘Contemporary Echoes’

Introduction

Beverly Gaventa[1] describes this passage as a ‘commentary on Jesus’ death’. This makes a certain kind of sense. The passage, as Pete Phillips[2] said, marks a radical shift in John’s narrative – moving from a blow-by-blow account of Jesus’ life – to extensive reflections about his death. The whole of John’s gospel does point to the death of Christ, weaving the theme of his cosmic significance in from the very start.

Whilst we do remain shocked by the basic, earthy act of washing someone’s feet, my brother in law who has a phobia about feet– is probably the only person I know who would come close to understanding the shock of the disciples at Christ’s actions.

The scandal of foot-washing has little power to scandalize most of us because we have come to understand this action in the context of the incarnation.

The cosmic Christ – the Word, the Logos – the one without whom not a single thing was created is getting down and dirty amongst human beings. The one that Graham Kendrick describes as ‘having flung stars into space’ is born in a shit-ridden stable, in poverty, fear and dereliction. Are you shocked by my language? Tony Campola, the American evangelist was preaching to a congregation about poverty and said this, ‘Everyday thousands of children die in their own shit’ and what is most scandalous is that you are more shocked that I used that word, rather than the deaths of so many.’

We miss the point of incarnation if we do anything other than pretend that Jesus entered this world to share in all it’s messiness as well as all its glory.

Being a book based on what we might call a platonic or dualistic understanding of the order of things, John goes furthest in describing the enormity of the gap between the cosmic divine and the base earthiness of the human Jesus.

The foot-washing hints at John’s desperate intention to help the reader understand just what it meant for the Word of God to be made low.

As he turns towards Jerusalem and all the inevitability of humiliation and death – Jesus takes a pro-active step in choosing humiliation before it is heaped upon him. He chooses to show the disciples that his death is part of the different kind of realm that he is part of and that they can share in.

Gaventa suggests that when Jesus takes off his outer robe, ties a towel around himself and puts on his robe again – the writer is reminding us of the good shepherd in John 10, who lays down his life in order to take it again.

In the conversation with Peter, we are drawn into an understanding of discipleship that recognizes that there is no other way to be fully part of Jesus – to share in his realm – than to go with him to and beyond the cross. We have all the privilege of hindsight – Peter is a gift to the story-teller because his apparent ignorance is used a way of enlightening the reader – and possibly making them feel better about their own ignorance!

Perhaps it is too much of a stretch to say that the action of this story is truly a metaphor for death – but it certainly sits in the context of Jesus’ own prediction of his death and his promise to Peter that in the future he will understand what all this is about.

So we have a different kind of realm from the power-hungry, hierarchies of the human world. We have a discipleship that is caught up with the humiliation, suffering and death of Christ – and we hope, with the hope of resurrection beyond. For me, however, it is the earthy, hands on, intimate, messy action at the centre of the story that has the most significance. This is the essence of incarnation – of God with us.

There is nothing saccharine or sanitized about this Christ, this Jesus - a man who can command a crowd, feed a crowd, stir up a crowd, a man who can still storms, raise the dead and heal chronic disease – gets down on his knees and comes into contact with the corns, calluses and carbuncles of human living.

Where do the corns rub today? Where does our mission, our ministry reflect the truly incarnational presence of Christ that I believe continues to refresh, cleanse and heal in a hurting, aching, tired world today?

As I reflected on that question I was struck that someone who might help us to explore that question is one of the missing characters in the story – the one who brought the water. So we are going to hear her story now, but she will pause from time to time to allow some other, contemporary stories to be told.

The Water Carrier

I carried the water, every day, jar poised precariously on my shoulder, taking care that not one precious drop be spilt. It’s a long walk to the well just outside our village, my feet find the same worn grooves in the path that they always have. Perhaps my mother and grandmother and my grandmother’s all the way back to Ruth have moved like a flowing river along this path.

Contemporary Echo 1

I walk further everyday to find water. The well close to the village has dried up and the pump that the aid agency put in has stopped working. In fact even the old reliable river has dried to a muddy trickle.

Someone told me that, about 100 miles away, a big company has bought some land and is moving the direction of the river that runs through it – that’s our river, our water supply. Our children’s feet are not muddy anymore – just covered in fine dry dust and we cannot spare water to wash their faces, let alone their feet.

You have to shimmy when you walk – those of us who carry water have a certain sway to our hips. It’s a way of balancing the heavy jar and ensuring that the water circles within rather than slopping over the edge. There’s a rhythm to my walk, a rhythm to my days, a rhythm to this reassuringly mundane life.

The children in the village know about rhythm, they bang sticks on the water jars that line up ready to be collected. Bang, bang, smash, smash bang. There’s one boy who plays the same beat every time – it sort of goes ‘dance, dance, I like to dance’. Well, they are the words I hear in my head – perhaps it’s because I do like to dance, even if most of the time my dancing partner is a great big jar that is either empty or full of water!

Contemporary Echo 2

My son, Mark, was killed. Shot dead in an alley just behind where he lives. You might think he deserved it – he wasn’t always a good boy, but he had a son Joey – he was starting to turn his life around. All he did that night was go out to help a neighbour who was having trouble with his bike and, wrong place, wrong time, wrong bloody nightmare.

She ran to get me – his girlfriend. I picked up my boy, he’d gone already. His blood was all over me – my skirt, my hands and my legs. Don’t matter how often I wash it’s still there.

I helped fill in the grave – that’s my people’s tradition. We sang ‘Over my head’ and ‘Amazing Grace’ at the graveside and our minister, she wept with me. I’ll always remember that, her crying and me crying and all the aunties cryin’ – it was like a river. God I wish I could wash this all away.

The festival, Passover, was approaching and people where beginning to gather for meals and the telling of the old stories. Stories about the way Yahweh interferes in people’s lives. Sorry, I know that’s a bit sacrilegious but that’s how it felt when I met Jesus – as though nothing would be the same again, not as ordinary, not as mundane, not as predictable. Somehow the rhythm had changed and I’m sure it had something to do with a different kind of religion from the one I know that is about rules and fear and jumping through hoops.

Contemporary Echo 3

You know filling in asylum application forms is not easy when English is a long way from being your first language. So you get it wrong and they send it back, so you start again and you send it in and you’ve missed the statutory limit on how long you have to register and it goes on and on.

It was in the middle of all this I saw a sign over a church, in Southall, it said something in Urdu about help with immigration issues. I didn’t think they’d help, me being a Sikh, but the project at the back of the church really helped.

I felt like for once my hands were not covered in ink from filling in forms and my feet were not aching from standing in queue after queue.

I’d brought four jugs of water home, ready for the feast. Festivals are hard work, lots of ritual washing, lots of cooking and mountains of washing – clothes, cloths, bedding, plates and cups. Normally that would be plenty but not this time.

Jesus came to the house with his friends, an interesting bunch – odd really them all being together, a well-healed tax-collector, big lumbering fishermen and the rest. They laughed together a lot and told stories. When Jesus talked the others all listened. I did too, from here in the back room – out of sight, out of mind. I was run off my feet sorting out the food and wine, clearing away the pots.

It went oddly quiet in the big room so I stopped what I was doing to see what was happening.

Jesus had got up, stripped off his robe and wrapped a towel around himself. What on earth was this all about? I couldn’t believe it – he actually knelt in front of his friends, each in turn, picked up their feet, rested them on the towel and washed them. I was too intrigued to be as appalled as I should have been. It was bad enough that he was pouring water – and might I add, lots of it – over their feet – he was actually touching them, rubbing the muck off with his hands, drying them with the towel.

Contemporary Echo 4

I was absolutely ratted, out on the Bigg Market, Friday night, like yer do you know. My mate Tanya, some mate she turned out to be, had set me up with a right idiot who couldn’t hold his booze.

She cleared off just as he threw up all over me red patent leather wedges – you know the sort, look dead expensive, but you can get em for a tenner at TK Max.

Any how, there I am stinking to high heavens, falling off my now minging red patent leather wedges, crying me eyes out – making just a little bit of an exhibition of meself.

Along comes this wifey and two blokes in uniform – they weren’t Bissies mind you – not even them plonker specials. They said they were Street Pastors, whatever that is.

Anyhow one of em whips out a load of wet wipes and asks me if I want to clean up – so I did – well I tried but I kept loosing my balance, couldn’t stay upright on my red patent leather wedges. Do you know they took me over to a bench and the woman gets down on one knee and wipes my feet for me? I thought I was dreaming. I was swearing about the state of me shoes mind, said they were full of the lumpy stuff and I couldn’t walk on em. Now you won’t believe this – the women gets out a pair of flip flops and gives em to me. When I say that I’ve only me taxi fair home, she says ‘eh don’t worry about it pet’ they’re a present.

Well, you canny say fairer than that?

The big guy, Simon Peter, tried to stop him – I don’t blame him. It’s shameful I wouldn’t let the lowest servant in my household touch my feet, let alone rub them. Talk about humiliating! What did he think he was playing at?

Mind you as I watched, his friends listened to him and they began to copy him – nervously at first, then they seemed to quite enjoy the attention and the intimacy.

That’s what struck me most (well apart from how many extra trips I would have to make to the well that day) – it was how intimate it all seemed. It was like a closed circle – inside the circle they were privileged, they knew each other well and knew Jesus, understood something about how special he was. It seemed like a perfect little community, I couldn’t see any cracks, though one guy looked less comfortable than the rest. Mind you, what do I know? I was outside the circle, no way into it for me. As I watched, I suddenly felt very sad. It was like I was watching something through a window, disconnected. I felt unwelcome, an outsider.

Contemporary Echo 5

You know I’ve walked past that building every day for years, decades. I used to take my kids to playgroup there – in a room at the back, when my wife was too ill. She suffers with her nerves – The doctors used to call it manic depression – now it’s Bi-polar. Whatever you call it it’s a pain to live with.

I used to look in at the church through the door on the few occasions it was open – always seemed a bit imposing, a bit mysterious. I was never quite sure what went on there. I certainly never thought I’d want to go in, let alone be welcomed.

Well, the kids are grown up now and doing really well. My wife? Well good days and bad – actually its more like good 6 months and bad 6 months and when it’s bad, it’s bad. Meds help but there’s only so many pills you can take and when she’s on the top of the curve she stops taking them because she thinks she can conquer the world.

She dismantled the computer the other day, she’d bought ‘build your own PC for dummies’ or such like and thought she’d increase our RAM (whatever that is). Trouble is before she put it back together she went into a sharp dip and now we have bits of useless IT all over the floor!

A couple of years ago they changed the front of the church. Got rid of those massive dark doors and put some lovely etched glass in and they made a light and airy welcoming area. It was so lovely I asked if I could go in. There was a man there wearing a blue uniform, said he was a deacon, and he showed me round. I found him really easy to talk to and told him about my wife. He told me the church had a group for people who lived with those suffering mental health problems – a ‘time out’ group he called it. I go nearly every week, just for a couple of hours, we meet and have coffee and cake and talk about how mental health has affected our lives. I’ve learnt about all sorts of support I never knew about.

Now when I pass the church, I don’t feel like it’s a weird place – it feels like somewhere I belong.

All the weirdness of touching dirty feet, of invading the space of another person, of meeting their eyes while they performed this demeaning task – all that seemed less important than the bonds in that group, their special way of doing things, their peculiar habits – rituals you might call them.

I didn’t feel I could be part of what they had. When Jesus got up to leave he came over to me and thanked me for looking after them. As he handed me the towel his hand caught my arm and he looked directly at me and seemed to know all that I was thinking. He didn’t say a word but I felt as though he had washed me and as though I didn’t need to be in their tight little circle after all – his influence was not limited to that group – but seemed to stretch out beyond them, beyond my home, even beyond my little village – like a river in full flood.

Discussion Question

Where does our mission as a church and our ministry as Christians reflect the truly incarnational presence of Christ that continues to refresh, cleanse and heal in a hurting, aching, tired world today?

Michaela Youngson May 2010

[1] Beverly R Gaventa in ‘Texts for Preaching Year B’, Westminster John Knox Press, 2004

[2] In his Bible study on this passage at Diaconal Convocation 2010.

Cuts and the real world

2010-12-06T11:04:00.001-08:00

My last post was a very cheerful one about being back from the holiday of a lifetime. Well the intervening weeks are proof that I'm well and truly back in 'Kansas' and Aunty Em is no use at all.

I'm going to start with a personal and, you might think, selfish tale of woe as to how the cuts proposed by the Coalition might affect my family. Then I'll move to the world I work in and the projects and people that will be hard hit.

Child benefit will be frozen. Okay - I don't need it and would never ask for it and I'm grateful for what it has meant in terms of keeping rapidly growing kids in shoes and trousers. Also, because of an admin error a few years ago, I got a lump sum back-paid that meant we could buy the computer we had always wanted. And on an ideological point - this was a universal benefit which is targeted to women (and single fathers). There are still men who control the family finances in a way that leaves the mother financially vulnerable or even abused. So let's kick women, especially vulnerable ones.

The threshold for Child Tax Credits is changing - again not something I asked for, lobbied for, or felt I needed - but hey, it's been useful and you kind of get to rely on these things.

My son wants to work in technical theatre - funding for the arts is being slashed massively and disproportionately. The arts bring billions of pounds into the UK every year - London theatres alone have seen income of over half a billion pounds already in 2010. He is due to go to university in 2012, just as the increase in fees will come in if the ConDems get their way on Thursday. The silver lining re the amount of debt he is likely to generate is that technical work in theatres is not paid particularly well - so it will be sometime before he has to pay it back (let's ignore the fact that interest will continue to accrue). Add in the possibility that the real value State pensions continue to erode (over 40 years!) and he can look forward to a grim retirement, as he'll be so busy paying off his student loan he won't have the disposable income to pay into a private scheme....

The very good Comprehensive School that he goes to has a performing arts specialism - the budget for this has been generous and helped the school achieve consistently excellent results, as well as in it's other specialisms of Maths & Computing and Applied Learning and being an International Baccalaureate award school. The school has done very well in renewing its buildings in recent years - huge sympathy to those who were all set to do similar work to gain luxuries such as indoor toilet blocks, no leaks in the ceilings, heating systems that work and space for learning. The School is now feeling the pressure to consider academy status... one's tempted to say 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' but it may well become 'broke' if it doesn't jump on the idealogues' bandwagon.

My daughter has music lessons in school. Already expensive - music in schools is under threat. So...

Then there is my Husband's public sector job in the NHS. Huge cuts to PCT budgets, knee-jerk decision making, lack of any proper consultation or joined up thinking. If he is one of the 'lucky' ones who still has a job after March it will be without resources and colleagues who have been an important part of delivering the work. Not only will there be a loss of immediate colleagues but also threatened are a number of projects through which the work is able to impact on thousands of people in the Borough.

Then there is the increase in VAT...

Okay - that was a quick snapshot of some of the ways in which my family might be directly affected by all this regressive ideological posturing. Yes, I know the deficit needs dealing with but I would rather pay more income tax than live with the chaos and anxiety that all this is causing. We have a roof over our heads and will be able to pay basic bills and eat food if Sandy's job goes - assuming I stay well and don't give in to burn out. There are so many people in much more vulnerable positions and that is what I want to reflect on now (or rant about).

I visited a women's refuge today. The very good housing association which offers them support is under a lot of pressure due to funding cuts. The one post funded almost entirely by the Council is almost certain to go in March. There's more to worry about though - if people have benefits cut, or lose their jobs, pressure increases on families. Those who for whatever reason beat or emotionally or economically control their partners and children will reach trigger points more quickly. Restrictions to housing benefit and the number of houses will also add pressure. Those who are ready to leave the refuge after a time of support will be more difficult to place as housing stock pressures increase.

Most of the Churches in my Circuit run financially on the income from lettings, many of which are council funded projects. The 'big society' (ha, see me laugh) is and has been alive and well for years in churches that subsidise community projects by not charging commercial rents, by offering volunteers to those projects or to keep the buildings warm and safe. If these projects fold due to lack of funding the Churches may not be able to keep going and the wider community suffers. Church supported projects such as Street Pastors make a huge difference to an area - how safe is their funding? The pennies in the plate given by pensioners and the large amounts given by those who can (widows' mites) subsidise the well-being of hundreds of thousands of elderly people, play-group children, young mums, kids having dance classes, soup kitchens, nurseries, people who are mentally ill, lonely people, those who have disabilities..... this is the kingdom of God. Less importantly but, perhaps more persuasively for politicians and councillors, this all represents amazing value for money.

This is all under threat - if these projects and relationships are broken, diminished or ended it will be a lot more expensive to replace them when our 'big society' falls apart and the infrastructure has been lost. Not only will the babies be thrown out with the bath water - the bath itself and the source of water will have gone as well.

Home again

2010-08-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

As with all good things our holiday has come to an end and the children have returned from Switzerland. It was wonderful to see them get off the coach in Morrison's car park in Queensbury. They and the other scouts clearly had a wonderful time and are glowing with health. Mind you, we had to sort their dirty washing outside - it was pretty toxic!

It will take me a few days to reflect on our time in Iceland and what will stay with me from the experience. Time for reflection is at a premium as we still have a lot to do in our new home (and I haven't started on the study yet). We are also preparing for Greenbelt and watching the weather forecast with some trepidation.

What has struck me today is an item at the top of the news about people who cause minor accidents by suddenly braking on roundabouts, and similar scams - all related to injury claims. No longer is it individuals deliberately causing these accidents, but organised groups - they target older people and women on their own. Utterly despicable. Having spent ten days driving around a country where the roads are almost empty and people are very courteous, laid back and kind, getting back to this kind of stupid greed highlights the contrast somewhat!

The other immediate difference is air quality. The air quality in Iceland was fantastic and taking a deep breath was intoxicating, getting out of the plane at Gatwick was a bit of a let down... I don't feel I want to take deep breaths at the moment.

A Capital day in Reykjavik

2010-08-18T04:46:00.000-07:00

Day 9/10

Couldn't blog yesterday cos the cost of wi-fi in the hotel was clearly designed to restore the economic fortunes of Iceland in one go! Found a lovely bookshop with coffee and free wi-fi now, so I'm almost in heaven.

The journey to Reykjavik yesterday was uneventful and with our Icelandic Sat Nav (via iphone) we found the hotel with no problem. The city is a mix of mostly new buildings, with some older dotted here and there. Clearly there are not too many planning restrictions as there is a complete mix of styles and residential housing in the midst of commercial. I love this - it feels natural and has a sense of fun and at times the ridiculous.

We visited the Maritime Museum which was great - put me in touch with my roots, having a forbear who is a famous whaling captain has always been a matter for mixed emotions. Whaling is not a good thing, but the courage and grit of those who were in the industry in the 18th and 19th centuries was remarkable. There was also a brief and not necessarily balanced account of the Cod Wars - neither side was covered in glory.

We did lots of window shopping yesterday and today it has come together in me having a new wedding ring! It's a lovely silver ring and I am going to enjoy wearing it for lots of reasons.

We also visited a huge and very elegant Lutheran church (Hallgrimskirkja), built to honour a priest who was a spiritual poet and wrote many hymns that are still sung in Iceland and around the world today. Iceland's answer to Charles Wesley. The church is beautiful, making the most of simple lines and stunning Icelandic sunlight. We took the lift to the top of the tower (far less painful than the climb to the top of St Pauls) and enjoyed stunning and wide views across the city.

More window shopping ensued and then we went to a restaurant famed for its cooking of langoustines - and both had the 'langoustine feast'. Beginning with a soup made from - you've guessed it - langoustine, followed by a main course of langoustine cooked in three different ways and a desert of..... ice cream and sorbet (don't be silly - who would have shell fish for dessert?!!!).

Today we are wandering around, wondering whether to fit in a last whale watching trip and trying to prepare for leaving at 4am tomorrow morning to catch our plane home.

Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Golden Circle

2010-08-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

Day 8

The day dawned bright and sunny! What a contrast

with yesterday. There were moments of cloud and the odd spot of rain but the whole day has been beautiful.

The 'Golden Circle' is the name of tours from Reykjavik taking in Geyser, Gullfoss Falls and Pingvellir. We, of course, were not on a bus full of other tourists but able to travel early and go at our own pace. So after an early breakfast we set of to the mud pools and water spouts at Geysir.

Arriving just after 9am meant beating most other people there and for about half an hour there were only another dozen people at the site. The original Geyser at Geysir no longer fires up, unless artificially stimulated on occasions such as Iceland's independence day celebrations. But Strokkur, it's smaller cousin steams up to 33 metres every 5 or so minutes. We were not disappointed and it was fascinating to watch this phenomenon again and again.

On leaving Geyser (after the obligatory look rou

nd the gift shop) we picked up Deanna and Julia, two hitch hikers from Italy who have spent three weeks travelling around Iceland. They were heading for Gullfoss, so we were happy to take them with us and to have another perspective on this wonderful and unique country.

The falls were thundering, on lots of levels, with spray launching 80 metres into the air. We were beginning to realise that West Iceland is much busier than the East and coach loads of tourists kept rolling up, staying twenty minutes and moving on. It was quite a bump back toreality - then I remembered those queues outside Madame T ussauds across from Church House and realised Icelandic tourist traps are rather pleasant in comparison!

Our passengers also wanted to go to Pingvellir, so we all went off together. This was a fascinating place where the convergent tectonic plates of Europe and America are pulling apart. The evidence for this is all over Iceland in volcanoes, hot springs, geysers and rock formations. At Pingvellir there is a long ridge of churned up rock face, right next to a huge lake.

Here the Alpingi parliament (means 'all things') met for over 1000 years.

Sandy's getting to play with lots of his lenses and caught this spider doing what spiders are meant to do!

We dropped the girls on the road to Reykjavik and were pleased to see they got a lift immediately - we turned back towards Hotel Ork. We have finished the day in the pool and geothermically heated hot tubs - how cool (or hot...) is that!

Mist, rain, fog and mist

2010-08-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

Day 7

We had a long drive today - through what is apparently really stunning scenery, however, we saw none of it due to a relentless mist that clung to the hills and crept in from the coast and filled the gap in between. The handful of photo's taken today reflect the conditions!

Most of the day seemed to be spent driving, which was a bit tedious given the monotonous visual theme of the day! We did venture down a rough track made of volcanic ash, at the end of which we could glimpse a glacier through the gloom.

We were interested to see a group of intrepid tourists who where setting off to climb up onto the ice. Most seemed to be well kitted out for this but we were a bit worried about the guy who had no waterproofs and Converse on his feet!

We are now in the Ork Hotel in Hveragerdi (no tea tray.... but free wifi - what you win on the swings you loose on the roundabouts!), which is only 40 km from Reykjavik and is set at the start of the 'Golden Circle' - one of the classic tourist routes in Iceland. So, should the weather clear up, tomorrow we will see geysers at Geysir, Gullfoss - another fabulous waterfall and we will visit the site where the Alpingi met for over 700 years before moving to the modern capital.

The Alpingi is the oldest continuous parliament in the world and established a great deal of the culture of Iceland, maintaining its influence despite rule by other Scandinavian countries at different points in its history. Two nights here - hope to use the pool and geothermically heated spa tomorrow even if the weather does not play fair.

Running out of superlatives

2010-08-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

Day 6

This morning dawned with blue skies and fabulous crisp views. We returned to Jokulsarlon and spent the whole morning there, first of all taking a trip in an amphibious craft onto the lake.

Getting up close and personal with ice-bergs is a wonderful experience. The colours and reflections were eery, beautiful and mind-blowing. We tasted glacial ice, which is very pure, the weight of tonnes of snow and ice having compressed all air out of it. It melts more slowly than normal ice and is truly beautiful.

We walked around the lake and down to where the river meets the North Atlantic. Here the ice blocks get pulled out to sea or land on the black volcanic sand beaches, where they shine like crystals on a coal field.

We finally dragged ourselves reluctantly away but were rewarded with the views that had been denied to us by mist yesterday.

Glacier outlets peering through mountain tops, lava flows and moraine formations creating contrasting landscapes every kilometre or so.

We passed over a huge area of 'sands' most of it was the wide mouth of a river, that runs only a few metres wide at the moment but will fill with tonnes of rushing water in Spring when the winter snows melt.

Along the way we visited a tiny church, with a turf roof, dating back to the 17th century. It was situated at the start of the treacherous route across the sands, which the local farmer or priest would guide people across. The chapel would be most welcome as a place of prayer for aid beforehand or thanksgiving when the journey was complete..

We are now staying at a farm hotel at a place with a very long and unpronounceable name: Kirkjubaejarklaustur! It is a place with a long history of involvement of church, nuns and monks - including some bawdy stories of their involvement with each other! Gossip surely - particularly in regard to the Abbot's underpants...

Without a doubt the highlight of this wonderful trip has been today's visit to the ice lake but I know there are good things to come!

Animal Magic

2010-08-13T14:57:00.000-07:00

Day 5

It was to be a long drive today, so we were in the dining room for breakfast at 7.15 - even though the staff were not quite ready for us!

The journey took us round the edge of more Fjords and past the margins of glaciers, we discovered beaches with black volcanic sand and waterfalls - not clear now but full of glacial melt water, usually a dull yellow. Most of all we encountered Iceland's wildlife.

The first encounter was with a wild reindeer, who showed off beautifully for us, prancing and preening. Clearly competing in the 'I've got the most impressive

horns' competition was a ram resting on the road. We also spotted a Harbour Porpoise in one of the coves - too far to get a good picture, but exciting all the same.

When we reached Jokulsarlon - the lake of ice-bergs, we were astonished by the forms and colours of the ice in the midst of the now raging waters (it has rained ALL day). Not only that but about a dozen seals were swimming against the strong currents, catching fish. It was wonderful to see them so close.

The sun did finally come out as we sat down

to dinner at our hotel this evening. The lovely Skaftafell Hotel under the shade of mountains and glaciers. Sadly by time we had finished eating a delicious meal, the sun had gone down!

We can't quite decide what to do tomorrow - pay to fly over the huge glacier and volcanoes, get a tour bus up onto the ice or find our own way up one of the glacier 'outlets' nearby. Much depends on the weather!

Oh and this last picture is the view from our hotel window! Sorry about that!!!

Slartibartfast deserves a design award

2010-08-12T11:12:00.000-07:00

Day 4

Today began well. The Hotel Herad redeemed itself from the lack of tea tray because breakfast included the opportunity to make your own waffles! Mmmm waffles and syrup - great way to start the day and the rest of the buffet breakfast was of a higher standard than we've had so far.

There followed a trip to the supermarket to buy picnic supplies - remarkably similar to the picnic supplies bought two days ago - but you can't go wrong with bread, cheese, salami, yoghurts, fruit and crisps! Next was the adventure of trying to put diesel in the hire care - self service is all well and good if the instructions are written in a language you understand....

The rest of the day has been a slow drive around three fjords, on roads that cling for dear life onto the side of the cliff faces. We stopped often to take photos, none of

which can reflect the grandeur and scale of the scenery.

We passed an aluminium smelting factory - its construction had caused a massive public outcry because of the environmental impact in a place of such sensitive and outstanding beauty. I can understand the outcry - but also the very real need for jobs and industry in Iceland. The cost of living is very high and people work 60 - 80 hour weeks to make ends meet - many are still unable to climb out of debt and the cynicism after the debacle with the banks has changed many people's outlook.

Still - so much of what we saw today was tranquil, with mist rolling in then burning off and more rolling in. In places this created a surreal atmosphere - something between the 'Twilight Zone' and 'Brigadoon'!

Our hotel - the Skadaborg just outside Briedelsvik is not really up to scratch - feels more like a hostel than a hotel. This would be fine if we had booked to be in a hostel but as we are in 'trip of a lifetime' mode is a bit of a let down. Having said that, it does have free wifi and when Sandy went in search of coffee supplies to placate his grumpy wife, the staff were most helpful! Perhaps dinner will shed a softer glow over my op

inion of the place!

Tomorrow we set of for the Skatafell National Park, where we will call in at the Jokulsarlon lake, into which flow icebergs that have broken off from the glacier. We hope to get a boat trip on the lake - so if the weather is good the photo's should be something special.

Perfect picnic and fabulous fjord

2010-08-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

Day 3

After a leisurely breakfast, we set off towards the east coast (dashing to the car to avoid millions of midges). We paused to take pictures of the Pseudo-Craters at the south of Lake Myvatn and stopped briefly again at the volcanic sulphur pools, for some extra photos.

The journey to Eglastidur was long but with stunning scenery, strange rock formations, rivers and grasses ranging in colour from the usual green, through golden to deep red. On reaching this small but significant town, we found we agreed with the guide book that it is rather dull, particularly in terms of architecture but is important as a crossroads for a number of Iceland’s ‘main’ roads.

We took a fabulous drive around lake Lagarflot, Iceland’s answer to Loch Ness. It is about 28 kilometres long, very deep and has its own serpent like monster. Unlike Loch Ness there is not a souvenir shop in sight! In fact the road around the lake is remarkable for its lack of traffic.

We stopped by waterfalls, wonderful rocks and found a perfect field for a picnic. On long, green and dry grass we sat under a perfect blue sky – snow sprinkled mountains in the distance, the National Forest across the smooth lake and total silence. This blanket of peace was only broken by the occasional bird call or buzz of a lazy fly.

After returning to Eg we booked into our hotel – nice and modern but, criminally, it does not have tea and coffee making facilities in the room – this is a great sin in my book, Sandy doesn’t seem so bothered!

We then took a drive up into the mountains and towards the coast. This is an area of Fjords and we visited Seydisfjordur, a town at the head of one of the Fjords where huge cruise ships and ferries visit. No ships today – it’s change over day tomorrow, so will be busy. The town (population 1,600!) is a pretty place which has retained some of the traditional Nordic architecture which most of Iceland has abandoned for cheap and practical pre-fabs. The water in the Fjord was beautifully clear and the air was crisp and delicious. We ventured into a couple of handicraft shops and are not ever so excited by the local crafts – expensive and not particularly nice. We are looking forward to Reykjavik next week for some wider choice in this area.

As we sat in a small and pretty restaurant overlooking the harbour, a sea mist began to creep towards us along the Fjord. It was beautiful and eerie and created a lovely atmosphere. As we drove back up over the mountain road, we left the mist behind and climbed into bright sunshine – quite magical.

Tomorrow we will drive the road that hugs the fjords – might be a bit nail-biting in places but the views will be worth it.

Whales, waterfalls, wonders!

2010-08-10T14:34:00.000-07:00

I was up earlier than my usual inclination when on holiday but it was to make sure we had time to get to Husavik for our whale watching trip. We got there early! This meant we were able to go on an upgraded trip that included seeing the puffins at Lundy Island and travelling on a schooner (rather than a plastic boat). So I bravely took my sea sickness pill and stepped aboard.

I enjoyed my time, managed not to throw up and saw dolphins and a whale, so for me it was successful. Sandy was on cloud nine, especially when they turned the engine off and raised all 7 sails. My favourite bit was the hot chocolate and cinnamon roll!

The word of the day is 'Pufflings' which is the word to describe baby puffins! So sweet!!

The whale was either an unusually large Minky or a juvenile Finn Whale.

We then bought the makings of a picnic from a supermarket and found a lookout point on the peninsular to eat (very English, picnicking in the car!).

The landscape we were driving through became more and more bleak but was still beautiful. I remember thinking that you could hear the 'birth pangs of creation' in this raw volcanic setting. Sandy said it was not a scene of devastation following a disaster but a landscape that promised new life. This feels like the nursery of a continent - and the ability of tiny plants to grow through rock and lava is a symbol of the power of life.

If Peter Jackson had not chosen New Zealand to film Lord of the Rings, then Iceland would have been the place - sulphur fields would be great for Mordor!

We saw Europe's most powerful waterfall - Dettifoss. 44 metres high and thundering with tonnes of glacial meltwater, it was so dramatic. Hard to take in such power and scale.

On the way back to Hotel Sel at Myvatn we spotted some steam spouts, so stopped to investigate. We found a red, orange and yellow landscape of mud pools and steam vents. Historically this was a site where sulphur had been collected - deposited by the gasses and steam pushing up from magma trapped in the rocks below.

What an amazing day - we have experienced so much. Iceland is proving to be a fascinating and diverse place, full of wonder and beauty. Very strange and powerful - and there is so much more still to see.

Laid back, spectacular and startling

2010-08-09T15:30:00.000-07:00

After a night in a lovely hotel near Gatwick, Sandy and I began our adventure in Iceland. We flew into Keflavick and were transferred by mini-bus to the small domestic airport in Reykjavik. On that short journey we met a couple who where on the same tour as us, but with a slightly altered itinerary - it was reassuring to find they also found it impossible to pronounce place names and where as excited and apprehensive as we are!

We arrived at the small airport two and a half hours early and were able to catch an earlier plane, which was brilliant - no extra charge, no bureaucracy - just a shrug and a 'why not?'. The flight was exhilarating, over a volcanic and glacial landscape that made sense of all those geography lessons that Mr Rocket tried to teach me long ago. Meandering rivers running through gorges and valleys, surrounded by ice-topped hills or mountains with sharp, razor like ridges, or flat topped because of millennia of glacial erosion.

We picked our car up and set off from Akureyri along the N1 - the only major road, which runs all around the island. Mountain roads, glacial lakes and perfect blue skies made for a wonderful and stunning journey. We had been told to look out for Godafoss - a spectacular waterfall. As we approached the area where it was meant to be I was increasingly sceptical, as the land had flattened out and I could not see any cliffs or hills big enough to support a large fall. Sandy pointed out some spray in the distance and we followed the tourist sign to the car park. As we turned in I was gobsmacked (technical Northern term meaning 'flabbergasted'). The waterfall was below us, thousands of years of water action had carved a horseshoe shaped basin, into which flows thousands of tonnes of water a second.

Godafoss means 'fall of the Gods' and marks the place where, in 1000ad, Porgeir Porkellson, Law Speaker in the Alpingi (world's oldest parliament), having decided that Iceland would become Christian, threw all the carvings of his family's pagan gods.

In the flow from this powerful waterfall a rock sits, stubbornly unmoving and on the rock are tiny pink flowers, clinging on against the odds. They seemed to me like the vestiges of the pagan beliefs - some rem

ain in superstition and belief in elves - others remain in more positive ways in a passionate love for creation and the environment. It would be easy to claim some sort of victory when the Speaker made his choice but it was political and to do with the security of the people. The human yearning for God was there before that decision was made, bubbling up in spiritualities that still seem attractive to some today.

We continued to our hotel, Sel at Lake Myvatn - 'Midge Lake' is sadly in no way ironic! But the lake is beautiful, our room is good and we have eaten well. It is almost 11pm and there is little sign of nightfall - in fact until 10pm there was a deep and warm golden glow across the surrounding hills.

Tomorrow - whale watching, puffins and more waterfalls. I can't wait!

Books, boats and boxes

2010-07-08T00:55:00.000-07:00

It's over a month since my last post and you will be amazed to know that I have at last pruned my bookshelves. Okay so I've only got rid of about 50, which is a parlous in comparison with the 250 Sandy moved on. Still it involved making lots of little decisions which is surprisingly tiring!

Old Lyme Barge is now a beautiful colour - dark blue and white. Her bottom is blacked and her welds and anodes sorted out. So definitely ship-shape. However there was a bit of a Bilbo Baggins moment last week. What? Well, as he described his adventures we went 'there and back again'. Having carefully coaxed OLB out of dry dock and had her towed up the Thames, round the corner into the Grand Union, we realised that the lock-keeper on the Thames Lock at Brentford had gone away. This despite being booked to help ease our passage. So, nothing for it but to tow our shiny and beautiful boat back to the dock yard.

We did it all again on Monday - and our lovely vessel is now back home in her mooring. This is fortuitous indeed - we are due to move house next week, however... the manse is not ready to move into and will not be for another two weeks (at least!!!). So we will move our many (too many) possessions out and have them stored in the half finished house, whilst we will live on the houseboat.

Boxes seem to have overtaken our lives and I am not really able to get any work done on the day job. There is a strange unreality about this liminal place. Moving but not a new start. Moving out but not in. Expected to keep the show on the road but not having access to the things I rely on to prepare worship, funerals and meetings. Using our 'escape place' for normal living - including commuting Tamsin back to her old school for the last two weeks of term. All a bit weird and disconcerting.

So this is going to be an odd summer. Roll on our holiday, but only when all the other stuff is sorted.

Groaning Bookshelves

2010-05-20T04:29:00.000-07:00

We are getting ready to move house. In a few weeks time our mountains of chattels will be squeezed onto a huge lorry (actually last time it was two lorries - the shame of it) and taken to our new home. It's not a house we would buy ourselves, but a mortgage free existence is not to be sneered at in these times of financial quick sand. One of the reasons we would not choose it, is that the rooms are all smaller than in our current home. Ah, there lies the rub. Quarts and pint pots just don't come into it.

Now the real root of the problem is that we have lived for six years in a house with quite enormous bedrooms, even the smallest takes a double bed and room for storage. So we have been spoilt - and we have still never managed to find homes for everything (like the pile of unhung pictures that never quite made it to the loft and have remained like a piece of dubious modern art on our bedroom floor).

So, now we really are going to have to get rid of some stuff. The 'useful one' who is gifted in the art of wielding drills and other such exciting bits of kit is heading for sainthood. When we married (21+ years ago) he had a lot more books than me - mostly about Cuba and world development. During those years I became a minister and now outstrip his book collection by a ridiculous amount. He has actually read ALL of his (I cannot claim such literary dedication). The beatification nomination is based on the fact that he has put aside two whole shelves of books for the use of the Oxfam bookshop in Ealing. I, as yet, have not set any aside for disposal. I do have a book token burning a hole in my handbag... just one more trip to Waterstone's darling? No - okay then.

So the next few weeks are going to be interesting. Just what can I let go of? And, why do I need to surround myself with this security blanket of words - millions of them. Perhaps I'm afraid that I'll run out of my own and be left with nothing to say.

Quick catch up!

2010-04-23T07:55:00.001-07:00

I know, I know, it's been a while since I posted. Life is so very full and all my creative juices are somewhat diluted at the moment.

What have I been doing? Well there was Easter and all the fun and excitement... and extra work. There was a holiday (interrupted just a bit by trying to sort out a response to an Employment Tribunal and by the n

ews that a Circuit project had lost a member of staff due to her being deported on Easter Sunday...). The holiday involved a trawl of my family up north, Wednesday = Chesterfield, Thursday = Harrogate and Bolton, Friday = Manchester and Knowle, Saturday back home.

We did get some lovely days on the boat - including quite a lot more painting and some sitting in the sun drinking tea.

Also went to the wedding of my colleague Jen

and her partner Keith - both more friends than colleagues now. It was a beautiful occasion, with packed church, wonderful singing and liturgy that was so right for them. Jen looked amazing - as always, but especially so. It was a privilege to share in such a special day.

We have recently booked a holiday. When the kids are in Switzerland with Scouts in the August, Sandy and I are going to..... (drum roll).... Iceland! Hmm, not sure there's a connection between us booking and Eyjafjallajökull going up?

The weather this week has been stunning and I haven't made it to the boat once. It was been desperately busy. Tuesday was the toughest day, I began work at 7.45 and finished at 23.10 and I feel wrecked. Have had to plan Sunday's worship today on my day off - and yes, I am looking for sympathy - or at least understanding from those who are waiting for me to do things and wondering what happened to my creativity and efficiency!

The children were both in the school Spring Concert last night - which was truly superb. It was quite poignant because, though Robert will stay on for sixth form, we are trying to find Tamsin a school closer to where we are going to live in a few weeks time. She is seventh on the waiting list for the school we really want her to go to, so here's hoping. This means Tamsin's first Spring Concert at Claremont will be her last and that feels sad.

Ah yes, moving house. We need to start sorting stuff out - I hate sorting stuff out - burying my head in a bucket and hoping it all happens without me is probably not the best approach but is attractive.

Just a taster of why my blogging is not regular and a sign of how disorderly my thinking is at the moment.

God's Prodigious love

2010-03-10T00:39:00.000-08:00

I'm not preaching this Sunday but am very aware of the lectionary text. It's not really about the son at all.... it's about the reckless love of the father.

I offer the following reflection, written a few years ago now. It is available in 'The Weaver, The Word and Wisdom' which can be ordered through twelvebaskets.co.uk !

In Love’s Embrace

A reflection on Rembrandt’s painting ‘The Return of the Prodigal Son’

I feel the weary weight of your arms as you embrace me

and the weary wait of your years of grief and loss.

You who were father and mother to me have no reason now

to offer open-handed welcome when I have deeply wounded you.

I can only bring a wasted, hollow shell of who I was, a shadow

of your hopes and dreams, your child who followed an empty vision.

Yet your welcome is overwhelming far beyond my dark imagining.

Your passion and generosity flow in tears and gifts, too real.

There is jealousy here, a quiet cynicism and a surly envy.

those who doubt me know me well and question the wisdom of welcome.

I too doubt myself, can I live this life? But, here in love’s embrace,

is the seed of grace, the heart of hope and the beginning of a new journey.

Lent Reflection

2010-03-01T04:34:00.001-08:00

Having been asked to write a lenten reflection for Methodism's on-line 'Momentum', I thought I might as well link to it from here. There are lots of resources on the Methodist Church Website but I don't always remember to look!

Hope this season of reflection and journeying will be transformative - sometimes it's hard to see a way out of the wilderness and if a bloke with pointy horns and long tail offered some quick fixes to some of the issues I'm dealing with in the Circuit, I would be sorely tempted...

The joy of going nowhere

2010-02-20T06:28:00.000-08:00

'It's a houseboat' I say. Then people ask questions like 'how far can you travel on it?' and 'Is it difficult to drive/sail/pilot?' Then I say 'it's a houseboat' - a house on water. You may think there is a certain madness in buying a 'boat' that doesn't go anywhere - you may possibly be right. But this is a houseboat. A house that floats.

She sits about 30 minutes from where we currently live and about 15 from where we will move to later this year - as you know location is everything! She is a few metres outside the Ealing Circuit. So when I go there I will be off my patch - psychologically very important for anyone whose job is based at home.

She has two double bedrooms - so lots of room for us as a family, but also lots for visitors and people who need a holiday, can't afford one commercially and love London. Old Lyme Barge (not a barge really, but a houseboat - sorry to be boring about this!) is in Brentford, where the River Brent and Grand Union Canal become one a few hundred metres before they join the Thames.

No, she did not cost as much as the houseboat that recently sold at Chelsea for £1m! She is about a third of the price of an equivalent 2 bedroomed flat in the area and, should we run out of money, we can hire her out to tenants and become big bad landlords - but that's nowhere near as much fun as having a place to go and relax.

It is wonderfully freeing to know if ministry went horribly wrong and I couldn't stand it any longer, we won't be homeless - this actually adds a sense of joy to the job (this may be enhanced due to my being on leave this week!). It is also a great joy to know that if we want to change the bathroom (which we do) we don't have to ask permission. We can paint it in any colour we like, choose carpets to match or clash, put up shelves, move walls.... etc, without inspections, permissions. I clearly did not know how much this mattered until now!

The tiny but very well laid out kitchen (galley) has to be kept tidy because more than two plates and a large cake tin and you run out of surface space - but this is a good discipline. The open-plan nature of the galley/saloon (kitchen/lounge) is very pleasing and it was a joy to have visitors for lunch and be able to chat along whilst slaving over a hot lasagne.

There's a bit of sorting out left to do, some more painting and hanging up pictures, moving furniture and, in the summer, it will have to be taken away to have its bottom blacked (apparently entirely painless) at which point we may change its colour from insipid green to a deep blue.... who knows.... it's up to us!

So here I am, longing for a warm spring and superb summer so we can make the most of it - but also thinking how cosy it will be next Christmas, with a little tree!

Here's Rob enjoying winter sunshine and playing one of the five chords he has so far learnt on his new acoustic guitar (so sweet).

A cosy stove, on board

There is also a lot of joy in seeing kingfishers, heron (called Harry apparently), coot, swans, and all kinds of birds.

Happy days!

Paris was lovely

2010-01-06T02:32:00.000-08:00

The three days I had with the family in Paris seem like a haven of sanity and joy in the midst of festive madness and cold, cold weather. The sun shone with wintry freshness, the rain restrained itself to an overnight drizzle which had no effect on our sightseeing.

The Christmas market lining the Champs Elysee was stunning, atmospheric and joyful, as were the lights that hung in abundance from the trees.

The Eiffel tower was a joy during the day and even better at night - with a great light show.

Using a water bus was a great way to get around - and save tired feet. My favourite area was the Latin Quarter with lovely shops, bistros and bustle. We visited the Louvre, of course - I would need a whole day and fresh feet to really get the most from that, so I will just have to go again!

We only managed to see Notre Dame and Saint Chapel from outside, so there's a reason for another visit.

What a privilege it was to be there and to share with Rob and Tamsin in their excitement. Rob spent a lot of time analysing lighting designs and layout at the Eiffel Tower and the Loure - which I teased him for a lot, but am secretly bowled over by his knowledge. Tamsin seemed to love everything apart from her aching feet (she is a lot like me!).

We came back for a gentle New Year. I won't spoil this happy blog with some of the work stuff that has arisen since then - that's for another blog on another day!

Thanks to Sandy and Rob for wonderful photography!

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T04:35:00.000-08:00

We've had a lovely New Year's Eve and a very slow start to New Year's Day. It was good to be with friends last night in a very relaxed and cheerful environment.

I'm aware though of so many people who really can't bear this time of year for all sorts of reasons. Some years ago I wrote the following with just such people in mind.

Dedicated to the ‘New Year Fearers’

When Auld acquaintance has ‘bin’ forgot

and the debris of another midnight madness

cleared away,

out will come the New Year fearers

the January first pain bearers

the hogmanay haters

and tremendous fun traitors

who do not see why

they should even try

to get plastered

or blasted

for the sake

of one more day on the calendar

and one more year gone by.

On will be put the brave faces

that remember the places

of memory and grief

no nostalgia will bring relief

from the constant reminders

of long gone lovers

lost opportunities

and broken communities.

‘Happy New Year!’

shed another tear

move on through the winter

that freezes hope’s last splinter

of consolation.

Each sharp inhalation

of breath is a cold effort

of courage in the face

of despair.

One more cheerful mask

is added to the growing collection

as the lonely New Year fearer

looks for a different benediction.

Michaela Youngson - Published in 'Making the Colours Sing'

I hope you have a most joyful and peaceful year and, in contrast, perhaps, to the above reflection offer a prayer:

New Year Prayer of Praise

Creator God, we praise you

for this New Year,

for this time of worship,

for this moment in our lives.

Creator God, we praise you

for all that you have made,

for all that you have given,

for all that you have promised.

Redeemer God, we praise you

for the new life found in Christ,

for the chance to begin again,

for the story of salvation.

Redeemer God, we praise you

for your grace that is without limit,

for your love which knows no end,

for your living among us.

Sustainer God, we praise you

for the gift of your Spirit,

for the outpouring of your love,

for the fruits of our relationship with you.

Sustainer God, we praise you

for your open embrace of all,

for your infectious joy,

for your presence in our lives.

Amen.

We will!

2009-12-25T15:34:00.000-08:00

9am from St Pancras on Boxing Day! Yippee.

Taxi arriving early at house (no tubes - but hey you can't have everything).

Should be in Paris just after noon. I so can't wait.

I shall wander down the Avenue des Champs-Elysees and know that life is good.

Should have lots of piccies to upload when we get back and lovely memories. So watch out for some lyrical waxing with a slight French accent.

Blessings all!

Will we or won't we?

2009-12-22T04:46:00.000-08:00

It serves me right for not feeling appropriately sympathetic towards BA passengers who would have lost their flights if the strike had gone ahead. I remember thinking 'I'm sad for them, but really glad we booked to go to Paris on Eurostar'. I feel the Bah Humbug angel may just have bitten me!

We are due to go to Paris on Boxing Day for two nights and three wonderful days. None of us have been to Paris before, apart from Sandy doing a mad dash between Gard Du Nord and Gard Du Eoust (whatever East is in French) so that doesn't count.

The hotel we hope to be in is just across the Seine from the Eiffel Tower and I am holding dearly to my longing to sit in a boulevard cafe, drinking hot chocolate and watching the world go by.

So I do hope the lovely people at Eurostar get it together - not just for us but for all who will otherwise not have the Christmas they hoped for.

Meanwhile, I wonder what I should include for Christmas Eve Communion and the Christmas Day services. Carols, readings, prayers and maybe a story about not being where you want to be at Christmas!

What are you hoping for this year?

Rachel gets creative again

2009-12-11T01:11:00.000-08:00

Here's a reflective poem from the very gifted Rachel Parkinson, who says, "which is a fruit of a "Retreat in Daily Life" which we've recently run as a Circuit. It was a great experience and, despite the fact that it was a group of only 12 of us from across the Circuit, I hope that the ripples will continue to spread. Would recommend it as a Circuit initiative.

The poem came out of a reflection on John 1 which is suitably seasonal."

“He was in the world, and the world came into being through him; yet the world did not know him.” John 1 v.10

Did I recognise him?

When the well-spring of life

turned water into new wine

did I catch the foretaste

of a heavenly banquet yet to come?

When the hour he spoke

proved the hour of recovery

did I choose to see

healing or coincidence?

When a mat picked-up

meant a man could walk again

did I worry only

that it happened on a Sunday?

When the Bread of Life

broke bread for thousands

did I hear the echo of manna

as I ate my fill?

When he came to me

across a storm-crossed sea

did I grasp he ruled the waves

as well as walked upon them?

When the mudpack cleared

from the beggar’s eyes

did the scales fall from mine -

or did he alone see the Light?

When Lazarus

was bandage-bound

did I turn away before the

unwrapping promised new Life?

Did my eyes slide easily over his surface?

Or did every atom of my stardust-being

recognise the One

who had been there at their creation?

Based on the seven signs of the Messiah in John’s Gospel:

the wedding at Cana (2 v.1-11); the healing of the official’s son (4 v.46-53); the healing of the paralytic (5 v.2-9); the multiplication of the loaves (6 v.1-13); the walking on water (6 v.16-21) and the raising of Lazarus (11 v.17-44)

5 things I love about Methodism

2009-12-08T01:58:00.000-08:00

'The Road to 'Elder' ado' has a blog about 5 things he loves about Methodism and he isn't even a Methodist! Sometimes it is good to be reminded of our value and the gift we are to God's whole Church by someone who looks in from another place.

So I'm going to suggest 5 things I love about Methodism - what's on your list?

1. The people. Okay there are a few that drive me demented but I daresay that is more about my lack of grace than it is about them. But my experience of Methodist people is that they are loving, hospitable, gracious and tolerant. It was just such people that accepted me unconditionally as a struggling young person and helped transform my life.

2. Social Holiness. If we forget this we will have lost our identity. Engaging with the world in all it's messiness is truly incarnational. So we march for climate change, hold hands to end poverty, run soup kitchens and neighbourhood care schemes, engage with the principalities and powers and buy fair trade produce. This is the out-working of the personal holiness, which we also forget at our peril.

3. Attention to detail. I know, I know we all groan about the amount of pages in CPD - but it does represent more than institutional anxiety. The way we do our work is part of who we are and is the distilled wisdom of many people over many years.

4. Connexionalism. Who would want to be part of a Church which is all about 'me in my small corner'? Not me - I want to live on a large map, be part of an expression of the body of Christ that helps expand my horizons, shares oversight and mission and helps me understand the world of which I am part.

5. Wide doors - metaphorically! Being part of a church which is not defined along narrow lines of theological difference is important to me. I learn by being part of a church where not everybody thinks the same, views the Bible in the same way, sings from the same hymn sheet.

So - go on then, why do you love Methodism?

Looking for glimpses of glory

2009-12-03T01:44:00.001-08:00

It was in the middle of summer that I was asked to write a short reflection/poem about any aspect of Christmas. Mind you not such a challenge as one might think because the shops were already filling shelves with chocolate Santas, plastic trees and nuts galore. My Mum often buys nuts early for Christmas to put away, inevitably she has to buy some more by about 20th December because she has succumbed to nutty temptation, and who can blame her?

The reflection is part of the 'Christmas in Your Pocket' booklet which has been produced by the newly formed Methodist Publishing - which is now looked after within the Connexional Team. It has been a scorching success - selling out within a couple of weeks and being reprinted to meet demand. We do need to have things to give to people - little easily offered gifts, with ideas, reflections, Bible quotes. But we also need to wrestle with the most profound questions of life and death that Advent and Christmas pose.

The Bishop of Croydon, who seems like a sensible and happy chap, has been pilloried in the press for daring to suggest we might sing Christmas songs that have some content and take us back to the Biblical origins of the story. How dare he! Well I for one am very glad he dare - please can we get past the sentimentality and look closer at the divine vulnerability and passion of Christmas. Yes sing carols devoid of meaning and enjoy doing so but don't let that be enough.

Behind the Tinsel

Within the tinsel shimmering, gift-wrapped

sentimentality a dim light catches my eye.

I follow the light to a messy shelter,

a simple coarse place where animals eat.

The stench of the beasts rises like a sour incense,

blending with sounds of struggle.

Here behind the cheery cards and artificial snow

is the hard, flesh-bound reality of love.

Here is the greatness of the small,

God’s risk-taking life-giving love.

In the weakness of a new-born child

is hope in the face of despair.

Here is the very essence of Christmas, Christ – holy,

God with us, Emmanuel.

Monday Monday

2009-10-05T01:43:00.000-07:00

Just a hello to my friends in the blogosphere. The weather has changed - it's rather dull and matches my mood beautifully.

I spent last week mostly in bed with the flu and have just worked a ridiculously full weekend - so guess what? Yep, I feel lousy again. At some point I have to go to the music shop to buy a clarinet book for my daughter - who won't actually get her hands on a clarinet until half-term. Not sure that is a helpful way of teaching an instrument, but hey what do I know?

The weekend was okay though - Women's Network 'Quiet' Day on Saturday (not sure quiet is close to an accurate description). This was followed by meeting representatives of organisations with an interest in protecting the rights of minorities in Pakistan. This included meeting an MPA (parliamentarian) from Pakistan, who seemed open to working for change. There is a possibility I may go to the Punjab and Karachi as part of a group invited to discuss human rights, minority protection and women's rights. So I am fluctuating between excitement, anxiety and my usual sense of 'why me, what can I offer'. But lots of learning and research to do - who knows where this will lead?

Sunday was Harvest Festivals and home communion and lots of form filling for church members' school applications, visa applications etc. Did get a slight reprieve as the Pastoral Training at Kings Hall has been put back a week.

Got home to collapse in a heap and was fed marvellous roast dinner. Just about remember what the kids look like. Now it's Monday, the house is a tip and I just want to sleep. So another week begins.

Does anyone know any good resources for leading Bible Studies?

New Methodist song/hymn book

2009-09-18T14:38:00.000-07:00

Methodist Conference 09 decided to go ahead with the idea that the church needs a new music resource to take over from Hymns and Psalms. There have been mixed views on whether this should happen, or what format it should take - but that particular boat has sailed. So I'm not looking for views on that! New groups have been set up to look at aspects of the resource and I am on the 'Content' group - we have a lot to do in a very short time.

What I am looking for are people - especially Methodist and most helpfully (but not exclusively) women - who write worship songs and hymns.

Please let me know if you are such a person or know such people.

Outstanding Oratory

2009-09-16T01:18:00.000-07:00

Want a lesson in how to work a crowd? Want to know the actual plan behind President Obama's health care revolution (as opposed to reactionary rumours...)? Want to learn a little about the history of the labour movement in the USA? If so, watch this. It is 30 minutes of excellence.

President Barack Obama says it how it is.

A busy hiatus

2009-09-11T02:01:00.000-07:00

The non-blogging between 1st July and today is not because I've had nothing to talk about - rather that there has just been too much!

So for anyone who wants to know what I've been up to - here is a thumbnail sketch of the Summer of 2009

Early July - Methodist Conference. I helped with the organising of worship - The Sunday service went particularly well and I am thrilled with the feedback. The Thursday Communion would have been fine if business had not over-run and a number of people had to leave for trains - this needs looking at for next year. As I'm now both on the Ministerial Business Committee and also going to co-ordinate all the worship at next year's Conference, it might be possible to smooth things a little.

Late July - Methodist School of Fellowship.

What a great thing to be part of! I was privileged to lead the morning prayers each day (had to get up early but it does me good from time to time!). Sandy was able to come for part of the week long event and the kids came for all of it. The highlights for me where Inderjit Bhogal leading the week, a great poet, Michael Symmons Roberts, and the Psalm Drummers. The drummers had all 170 of us, from a few months old to people in their 90s, drumming in time. The sound was amazing and the laughter and unity in the room was very special.

August - Holiday in North Devon.

Sun, sand, wind, sea, rain, sea-views, great cottage in Appledore overlooking the estuary, kite boarding, body boarding, folk jam nights in local pubs, food, Sky TV, West Wing series 2 and 3, Hockings ice cream, walks, sleep....

- Quick trip to Greenbelt.

Rob was dropped off on our way back from Devon and stayed for the weekend with friends he met at the School of Fellowship. Sandy, Tamsin and I went back to London, I preached on the Sunday - then we drove to Tewkesbury, stayed in a Premier Inn, went to Greenbelt for the day, stayed in the Inn again, back to work Tuesday.

Highlight of Greenbelt for me was seeing Applecart. If you get the chance to see them DO DO DO!

Early September

Spent time with Jennifer, new colleague. Circuit Policy, Conference Business Committee, Meal out with lovely people at the Loch Fyne, Pastoral visits, trip to Chesterfield to scatter Sandy's Mum's ashes, Church 50th Anniversary evening, 3 services and a training session on Sunday 6th - lost voice and exhausted Monday 7th!

Jen's welcome service was wonderful, local ecumenical and civic guests, a variety of music including the choir and musicians from King's Hall Urdu speaking congregation, good preacher and very welcoming.

So now, it's September with a vengeance and I'm ready for a holiday!

A very important apology

2009-09-11T00:43:00.000-07:00

Gordon Brown has made a statement, following lobbying and petitioning, rightly apologising to Alan Turing for the inhumane and appalling way he was treated because of his sexuality. Read the article here.

A much less important apology is mine to those of you who wander by here and have not seen anything change since July. I'm back!

Extract from latest Church Magazine

2009-07-01T15:24:00.000-07:00

Simply Spectacular

On a very stuffy evening at the end of June we went as a family to Wembley Arena. The treats in store were John Mayal and BB King, each with their own groups – and being entertained by the royalty of Blues music proved to be a spectacular evening. What made it spectacular? Was there lots of well choreographed dancing and acrobatics? No. Was it a fancy back drop and huge screens – no, none of these were present. What made it a special evening? Each of the musicians was very talented, knew their instruments really well, the singing was great and the joy they found in performing was infectious.

I reflected afterwards about this simplicity of performance – the music was allowed to speak for itself and the skill of the performers needed no gimmicks. The story at the heart of the show was the music, the soulful and energetic sound born out of poverty and slavery which went on to influence rock and roll, soul, pop and all other modern music.

I wonder sometimes if we ‘over-produce’ the Christian message. We use gimmicks and programmes and assume that if we can’t offer ‘all singing, all dancing’ worship that somehow we are not good enough, or that we will be ignored. I wonder if we hide behind this idea and lose the essence of the story that we are called to tell. At the heart of all we do as Christians is the simplest, and yet most profound, story. The Gospel of creation, salvation and inspiration is what is truly spectacular and needs no glitter or gloss to disguise it or make it more interesting. Perhaps, like those wonderful musicians we need to relax and be confident about what it is we have to offer. To share the joy we have in Christ will be infectious – telling the story of God’s love with passion and simple delight will be irresistible.

Graduating

2009-06-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

It was very odd that almost exactly a year after submitting my dissertation I finally received my certificate of graduation. It was also a bit odd that it was half in Welsh because of being accredited through Lampetter - having only ever travelled to Salisbury to attend modules and tuition. Apparently I've been entitled to use the letters after my name since receiving the letter in December but I'm not sure that, apart from in Minutes, I shall use them. Should I?

I'm really grateful to have had the chance to study, with a lot of financial support and time support from the Church - I'm also very very grateful that now I've returned to Circuit work I got the MA out of the way!

My twin sister and kid brother and I both left school without A levels and have all gone on to do second degrees. When I remember that I think it is okay to feel proud of myself and my siblings - we have all worked and studied and dealt with family life. At home doing a degree was never talked about - University was for posh people who lived in private (non-council) houses and no-one else in the family had gone on to higher education. So I should feel pretty pleased with myself - but I can't get away from the fact I'm still not sure I'm really an 'academic', just someone who can get a few ideas down on paper and back them up with the wisdom of other people. So I don't know how much impact adding the letters MA to the end of my name will have in terms of my own self image and confidence - but I know it could open a few doors even though I'm not planning to go through them!

Shame and faint comfort

2009-06-08T02:15:00.000-07:00

I realise that the blogosphere will be chocca with despair about the European elections, so I won't say much other than:

Shame on those who did not vote.

Shame on women who did not vote - other women were imprisoned, tortured and gave their lives so that we can exercise our rights.

Shame on men who did not vote - do millennia of patriarchal rule not give you any sense of responsibility?

Shame on our politicians who have allowed politics to become a dirty word.

Shame on the media who no longer describe the world, but shape it and order it according to the whim of editors, owners and shareholders.

Shame on me for not saying and doing more to cast light on truth.

There may be some comfort in these words:

Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth? It is he who sits above the circle of the earth and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, and spreads them like a tent to live in; who brings princes to naught, and makes the rulers of the earth as nothing. Scarcely are they planted, scarcely sown, scarcely has their stem taken root in the earth, when he blows upon them, and they wither, and the tempest carries them off like stubble. (Isaiah 40.21-24)

Jury is out about the Jury Party

2009-05-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

Did anyone see the Jury Party political broadcast? Was it me or was there not one single policy? I listened really hard but couldn't spot one.

I've always had a soft spot for independents (not enough to vote for one though!) But this is not about independents - how can they operate as a party?

I want to know what a party's policy is on Education, Defense, Health Care, Europe, Human Rights, Environment.... etc.

Most importantly I want to encourage people to vote for one of the big 3 so that BNP, UKIP and other parties that promote hate, fear and have no track record in any form of leadership, don't get seats.

I was in Burnley when BNP councillors got in and they were pathetic, never turned up to meetings, did no work and wondered why they didn't get in again. I hope and pray that people will not take revenge on the MPs by voting for people who are clearly unfit to govern and who base their policies on hate, fear and bigotry.

Study of delight

2009-05-28T02:49:00.000-07:00

There is nothing quite like a tidy study! It is a thing of wonder and delight - possibly because it is such a rare thing. I feel much more like getting things done when I can see the wood that my desk is made of and I'm not tripping over piles of unresolved paperwork. (Just don't look in any cupboards or drawers unless you want the fantasy of neat, orderly bliss to end.)

There are down sides to spending a whole day of your holiday tidying up - firstly not really an appropriate thing to do on holiday. Secondly I am reminded of all those little jobs that I've been ignoring for sooooo long. Mind you some of them are now past their sell by date - yippee. Thirdly - and this is a mixed blessing - I have seen again all the books that I have bought in the last few months. They look up at me expectantly, smiling a warm invitation and yet, again and again I let them down. My lack of time and ability to prioritise it means I neglect these literary wonders - to the detriment of my preaching, humour, intelligence.... Do I have to wait another 3 years for a sabbatical before I get to some serious (or frivolous reading)?

Perhaps a tidy desk will create space in my head and diary as well - or am I really dreaming?

Rachel Writing Again

2009-05-20T15:33:00.000-07:00

Terminal

The nurse draws the stiff white sheet

over the face

as the doctor clips her pen to the clipboard.

“A classic case” she says.

“The damage was

done

over many years.”

“A hardening of the oughteries

led to reduced circulation of

spontaneity and laughter

around the body.

This allowed a build up of

resentment

in the internal organs with pooling of

stress and anxiety

at the extremities.”

“There was also evidence of crushing to the vertebrae;

the last straw,

apparently,

having never been reached.”

“The irony is”, said the doctor

“that she had the medication in her pocket.

But the lid was adult-proof

and the child inside her, that might have opened it,

had long since gone away.”

Rachel Parkinson. Whitby. May 2009

Body of Christ doing our job properly!

2009-05-10T15:56:00.000-07:00

There are occasions when one wonders why we bother with evening services in many churches. Numbers are low, sometimes only those with jobs to do turn up and a lot of heat, light, service planning, etc goes into the event.

Not tonight though. Five minutes before the service was due to start two women came into church, both in tears and asked if they could light a candle. The steward made a stirling effort and found some tea-lights and holders and even matches (non of these being out for the casual visitor's use).

The younger woman's sister's baby had just died, only a few days old, following a very difficult labour and birth. The older woman was her mother-in-law and had come along to support her in praying.

They stayed for the service, surrounded by church members who had never met them before but who quickly put flowers into a vase next to the candles (and gave flowers afterwards), who sensitively offered support without being overwhelming.

The prayers and hymns I had prepared were worryingly appropriate! To the point where at times my heart sank as we sang another hymn that talked about God's children, life out of death, joy out of grief - all perfectly standard hymns but suddenly much more pointed and meaningful.

My own niece was still born at 39 weeks gestation and, though some years ago, there was no escaping the pain that washed over me in the face of this desperately sad story. I struggled to preach and singing 'abide with me' as the planned last hymn was almost too much - but somehow facing the pain was better than changing at the last minute to choose something less meaningful.

I was so proud that the church was open and able to support these two women. We may never see them again (they may associate us with this painful incident too strongly - as well as with care and compassion). The Kingdom of God broke through in the welcome, the hospitality and even in the 'too appropriate' liturgy and hymns.

Who knows how many people walk to locked churches looking for a comfort or space that is not there?

Church Magazine Articles

2009-05-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

I seem to have to write a lot of them and my problem is I'm not sure what they are for. Is it a chance for me to share with folk what I've been up to (boring!), some vision for the church, some news (there are others who do that better)? Should it be a spiritual pondering or something to inspire action (both?). One Church steward thinks I should do them because I'm clearly 'too busy to see people, so it's a way of keeping in touch' - please I don't even keep in touch with friends and family by writing a monthly article!!

There are times when I feel inspired to offer some witty story - but quite a lot of the time I sit down and think 'what on earth shall I put this time?'. What worries me about all this is (apart from a sense of being a bit useless) that I am a writer - I have books published for goodness sake. I guess they came out of a process of living, learning and reflecting and maybe that's not what I'm doing enough of to produce the newsletter articles.

So - why do we do them? Who are we aiming at and... got any ideas?

Women In Theology

2009-04-28T06:30:00.000-07:00

The Church needs more WIT

It's been buzzing like an irritating fly for some time - the realisation that I can't wait around for the church (whoever that might be) to provide me with everything I want and need in order to grow as a Christian, a woman, a minister, a human being.... I perhaps have to be a tiny bit proactive!

I've finally worked out that one of the unsettling, constant inner naggings (which some might call the Holy Spirit and others indigestion) is to do with how to help women feel confident in discussing things of a theological nature. I perceive barriers that prevent women from describing themselves as 'theologians' - these include:

1. the idea that such things can only be discussed in the 'academy' and despite significant steps - academia is still a male dominated environment

2. a resistance to ask 'silly questions' in case we look silly - whilst those who appear to be in the 'know' are making it up as they go along

3. the multi-tasking and ball-juggling lifestyle of many women connected to Church does not make it easy to pause for breath, let alone attend conferences, talks, take up study, etc, etc.

Please suggest further barriers!

There are so many areas in which women and the church and, dare I say, the world are poorer because of these barriers - mainstream theology remains schewed to the male as 'normative'. Christian publishing, academic and non-academic, remains dominated by male authors. The bodies in church life which act as filters to 'orthodoxy' and 'heresy' (i.e. what's allowed and what's not) remain largely male.

Please suggest further consequences of these barriers!

SO I'm being proactive! Yes, really! Via Facebook - but not limited to it I am beginning a group called 'Women In Theology'. Open to women of any tradition who want to talk about, think about, learn about, write about God, the Church and life.

I'm hoping to have a day's gathering in the Autumn for those who want to shape this group. If you would like to be part of this, have ideas about what we might share together and who it would be good to invite, do get in touch - via comments here, the Facebook Group, or by emailing me at michaela.youngson@mac.com

This is a beginning, a germ of a seed of an idea. The question that is at the heart of this is 'how can women be given confidence in talking about and writing about theology?'.

Looking forward to hearing from you and seeing what you think!

Wonderful Day

2009-04-04T15:38:00.000-07:00

I've just spent the afternoon and evening at a very special celebration. This was a service/concert at Kings Hall Methodist Church Southall. It was a Calvary service - nearest English equivalent would be a Christmas Carol service but for Lent not Advent. Asian Christians from Oxford, Nottingham, High Wycombe and closer to Southall gathered and shared poems, songs, readings and prayers. Some of the elements were in English, most were in Urdu/Hindi.

Songs ranged from children singing 'Father Abraham', a soloist doing a great version of Robbie Williams 'Angels', and wonderful, haunting Asian songs. With eyes closed I could see the cross on the hill top and feel the hot, dry wind taking the moisture from my skin.

The atmosphere was warm, friendly - at times very reverent, such as when Christ walked to the front carrying a huge cross and stumbling.

The service laster about 2 hours longer than planned yet I didn't feel anxious or bored, people were clearly having a good time.

I went not having a clue what to expect and having prepared a tight order of service (not needed at all). Those who had invited contributors did a fantastic job and the food afterwards was delicious.

All in all a good afternoon.

Fruitful Birds

2009-03-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

We have now had enough eggs for our own use for a week and given 8 away today! Hurray. We are now a source of protein for friends and folk at church. It is hugely satisfying to give eggs away and know that they are produced by happy little hens. There is so little of what we eat and consume that we have any real connection with.

So time to get the seeds out and plant the veggie patch - which is being well fertilised by other products of our hens - less fun than the eggs!

Lent is moving on apace and I may be ready for Holy Week by Pentecost. I've just remembered I need to write 3 Pause For Thoughts by the end of tomorrow - so any inspiration would be gratefully received! Hopefully I can use one for the Church magazine editors' who are both chasing me for my next moving pearl of wisdom. Do people read these things? Why? I never did - straight to dates for your diary for me when I get church newsletters, and lots of avoiding twee, humourless stories and ridiculously easy crosswords.

Hello Girls

2009-03-07T04:39:00.000-08:00

The long awaited day has arrived and our 6 young hens have been delivered. Three are 'Miss Pepperpots' - mostly black with some lovely ginger details, and three are 'Gingernut Rangers' - you can guess what colour they are!

They should begin laying within a couple of weeks, so if you need eggs we'll have a few to spare (especially to anyone willing to help feed them if we are away!). We wanted to get them in time to lay for Easter - it seems kind of appropriate. The home they live in is provided by a company called 'Omlet' and is really well designed. Fox proof, easily cleaned, lots of space... The very nice man, Darren, who delivered them put the Omlet Cube together and showed us how to handle them and clip their wings. He had just been to Richmond to deliver to Jerry Hall, this confirms me in my view that we are turning unto urban yuppies - but hey, what's sauce for the goose... (not sure that's an appropriate metaphor!).

So it's 'chucks away' at our house, where Tamsin is eggstatic, Rob is eggcited, Sandy is eggcellent and I am prone to very bad puns!

In the photos you will see Audrey (Hepburn), CJ (as in West Wing), Maya (Angelou), Rosa (Parks), Dibley (indeed), Ellen (McArthur). Say hi to these inspiring women (ok I know they are chickens really).

Help with a technical question

2009-02-27T10:35:00.000-08:00

Why if I want to paste text into my posting 'box' in Blogger does the text drop onto the screen below the box and then not appear in my post? Please will someone help me work out how to add large sections of text (such as Rachel's hymn) and then I won't need to type them out?

Thanks dear bloggers wat is brighter than I is...

A new Hymn for Lent from Rachel Parkinson

2009-02-27T10:29:00.000-08:00

Something you might want to use or reflect on.

Lent Hymn by Rachel

Ash Wednesday Poem

2009-02-26T03:22:00.000-08:00

By Michaela Youngson

I feel the gritty reality of ash

beneath my thumb

ready to be placed

with care upon the head of

person, after person,

standing before me.

Each made in God's image.

Each made from dust.

Each with their own understanding,

view, perspective

on what is taking place.

Eye to eye, soul to soul

words capture a universe breadth

of creedal wondering

and experience.

I offer the priestly words

content to challenge lifestyle,

affirm mortality,

offer absolution.

Only when an ash laden thumb

is placed on my head

does the meaning for myself

become clear.

I am limited by linear time,

death will come,

yet caught up also

in the eternal pattern

of God's creating.

For more poems and reflections on Ash Wednesday visit Abbey of the Arts.

Post Holiday Blues

2009-02-26T01:39:00.000-08:00

The difficulty with going away - even when going away has been fun and exciting and given opportunities to fly kites, walk on beaches, watch very rude and hilarious stand up comedians on videos, spend time with relatives and friends - is that one really needs a rest when you get back.

My virtual in-tray (emails, phone messages, mental list of people to visit...) and the mountainous heap on my desk are screaming for attention and all I want to do is sleep. People keep asking me what I'm giving up for Lent - I'm tempted to point them to Jesus word's in Matthew's Gospel about not making a public display of one's abstemious piety - but mostly my glib answer is 'I'm giving up free time'. The workload was full already and now it is somehow meant to absorb the Lenten study needs of three different congregations, my own personal (with help from Christian Aid) 'Journey to Jerusalem' and (with help from the Methodist Church) 'Still Time'.

I know, I know, stop moaning and get on with it - I am trying to give up being grumpy for Lent! So I am not giving up chocolate or wine and this year I'm not giving up shopping - what I need help with is to give up the guilt of never being on top of the workload - any ideas?

Make up your own fab bus ad!

2009-02-06T02:13:00.000-08:00

You can join in the fun! You can certainly come up with something funnier than my feeble attempt (above) by visiting Faith and Theology and join in the caption competition there!

Crumpets and Hot Chocolate

2009-02-03T02:24:00.000-08:00

Having just got butter all over my keyboard due to eating a crumpet in close proximity to it, I realise that this is not the best approach to making life go smoothly. I am actually hiding from my daughter who wants me to play a really tedious Dr Who board game with her. I love Dr Who, when watching it, but moving miniature David Tenants around a plastic board is not my idea of saving the universe. Mind you, if David Tenant offered to play I might reconsider.

So, armed with crumpets and hot chocolate - the only breakfast possible on the second day of snowbound, school's closed, wooly socks excitement - I sit and think of all the things I ought to be doing.

The trouble is, sitting and thinking of all the things I ought to be doing makes me feel edgy and suddenly the Dr Who game becomes more attractive. Perhaps I'm caught in a fold in the space time continuum, or am I stuck in a mysterious anomaly - a 'procrastination enigma' into which all good intentions are sucked into an alternative dimension?

Oh heck, now I've run out of hot chocolate. Oh well I'll just have to make another before I write my 'to do' list.

How's your day going?

John Updike

2009-01-28T08:59:00.000-08:00

Ben Myers offers an obituary of John Updike that is so beautifully written I will be taking Updike novels and Barth's commentary on the Romans on holiday with me.

Richard over at Connexions pointed Ben's article out - thanks Richard.

Auntie Beeb's knickers in a twist

2009-01-26T02:36:00.000-08:00

I wonder if the clever people at the BBC have deliberately got themselves into their current pickle because they know that the DEC appeal for funds to provide aid in Gaza will get a lot more attention if there is an almighty row attached to it?

Time and again the DEC have issued appeals with one aim in mind, to aid humanity and reduce suffering. The very point of the DEC is that it is a group of highly respected agencies who work together to meet extreme need.

See today's Ekklesia Bulletin report for more on Mark Thompson's apparent need to dig an ever bigger hole underneath himself.

For details of how to donate to the appeal visit the DEC's website.

Lent Courses

2009-01-22T04:57:00.000-08:00

In just a few weeks time we will be making that very difficult decision - will it be savoury (e.g. Tuna and Cheese), traditional (Lemon and Sugar) or wickedly indulgent (tinned pairs, rich dark chocolate sauce and very good vanilla ice cream)? Or perhaps one of each! Yes Lent is just around the corner - at least it is for those of us who have to plan 2 or 3 courses in our own churches or ecumenical groups.

So for me a prior decision to what to have in my pancake on Shrove Tuesday, is 'what Lent course/resource' should I use?

An appeal.... any ideas folks? What have you used and in what context?

Looking forward to your responses (and any off-the-wall pancake filling ideas also acceptable!).

The Peace of the Lord Be With You

2009-01-15T13:31:00.000-08:00

PamBG's Blog: The Peace of the Lord Be With You

Thanks to Pam for this, I laughed till I cried.

Thinking about stuff

2009-01-12T00:32:00.000-08:00

Well Sunday came and went - it was great to be doing my 3rd Covenant service, I'd almost got the sermon crafted by the final time of delivery! Of course the atheist bus ad was a gift to any preacher considering what God might require of us. I might tentatively suggest that enjoying ourselves is something we can do because God probably (or certainly...) does exist. So considering 'What shall I render to my God' in terms of Covenant renewal was okay.

I managed via Iplayer to catch up with the last episode of Ann Frank. I knew where it was going of course but that did not make it less moving. It was good to see how involved my kids became in the story - another generation will know something of the struggle and horror that is born of hatred and insane prejudice. It was also interesting to watch the series in the context of what is going on in Palestine/Israel.

For me though the best thing about the adaptation was that Ann was portrayed as a rounded person - a teenager with all the questions, idealism, anger, love, romanticism that should be in a 13 - 14 year old - especially one as intelligent as she was. She was not a saint - I felt I knew her better than in previous portrayals and felt so much for her mother, played wonderfully by Tamsin Greig.

Post Chrimble Slump

2009-01-09T02:02:00.000-08:00

Not a comment on the financial state of the world, but a reflection of the kind of week I've had! There are a quantity of Christmas baubles and tinsel on the lounge floor waiting for the tallest person in the house (not me - I have two strapping guys at 6'3" and 5'11" to fit that bill - and one is still growing) to get the boxes down from the loft. My bedroom looks like a disaster in a clothing factory, the kitchen floor.... well it's best to wear shoes in there if you want to get across it without sticking and so it goes on. The pile of good intentions that sits upon my desk has grown in an inverse proportion to the amount of enthusiasm I have for tackling any of it.

I attended a meeting last night where the most energetic part of the whole thing was around whether the carols in the Carol Service had been traditional enough (not one was less than 100 years old - ye gads). Apparently, people 'come a long way to sing their favourite carols' and there's me thinking that we gathered to worship God and re-tell the story of the incarnation of Christ. I think I'm probably being a bit prickly about this because I was so very ill before Christmas and had to plan and deliver services when I just wanted to curl up and die in a blaze of Night Nurse and hot toddy glory. In a moment of inspired democracy I suggested that people list their favourite carols for me, so that we might form a group and work together to plan next Christmas's services. I think I may have gone too far when someone said we hadn't sung enough carols in early December and I pointed out that 'Advent is not Christmas' .

Is church about comfort and 'our favourite things'? I think there is a place for the familiar (there was a lot of it at Christmas - nothing at all radical I'm ashamed to confess) but what about mission, about change, growth....? The incarnation is hardly comfortable.

What do you think?

Gadgets for God

2009-01-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

I love the Ship of Fools 'Gadgets for God' pages. If you need to have a side splitting belly laugh at how low Christian taste can sink (if the price is right...) visit this site. If you find something in the list you like, don't tell anyone they will not want to be your friend anymore. Mmmm Footballing Jesus - I'm sure it would look nice on our mantelpiece.... HELP.

Take Action

2009-01-07T05:33:00.001-08:00

Christian Aid are providing a way of joining in a petition to urge the UK Government to call for a ceasefire in Gaza. As the message says, 'Military action is no solution to this crisis. Only dialogue between all parties can achieve lasting peace and a viable solution for Israelis and Palestinians alike.'

Petition Link

Rachel Weeps For Her Children

2009-01-06T09:42:00.000-08:00

Preaching at a Methodist Covenant service is an interesting and painful challenge this year - to use the Jeremiah passages about good news for people in exile should be a helpful strand, but the readings about the old covenant talk again and again about peace for Isreal and how she will overcome her enemies. As the world watches Israel again sends tanks and bombs against communities that are struggling for water, food, decent hospital care and where people cannot work because their jobs are on the other side of the walls and blockades built (as throughout history) in the 'name of peace and security'. Hamas is not right in the way it is striving for what it wants, there are other more appropriate groups in Palestine. But as the British Government did on Bloody Sunday in Ireland, the Israeli Government is creating a whole new generation of 'freedom fighters' and suicide bombers. And in Gaza Rachel cries for her children, because they are no more.

Blogging Again

2009-01-06T08:04:00.001-08:00

I'm back in the world of blogging! My old blog 'Singing colours' sits sadly in the blogosphere - unloved and unattended. Why? Cos the email address that allowed me to alter it died when my old job did!

So here, for the world to see (or the one or two folk who visit) is my new blog!!! Hurray. I don't promise to add something every day but look forward to endless hours of making a fuss about things most people don't give a fig about.

Visit again soon for exciting meanderings.